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isn't it always like that?
the wound in the heart, i let it grow bigger days by days
until one day i couldn't endure it anymore, the heart couldn't heal by itself

a weak heart, trying to win the world
in the end, wouldn't it lose?
i should have realized my position at the first place

the best thing i can do is to wear a mask outside
conceal the feels, act strong
although it is severely painful

at times, i lose all my masks, not even one is left
i struggle to search for it everywhere, i can't manage to find
i end up revealing all the embarrassing truth inside
the fact that i am not me whom everyone else knows
is humiliating and disgusting

as i am trapped, i am confused
am i trying to heal my inside,
or am i trying to create a new mask

i feel sorry to myself, for such big scars to remain
not being able to heal, due to my own mistakes and weaknesses
i feel sorry to myself, for having expectation, which kills
although deep inside, i understand, the only place i can depend on is Allah

menyusahkan orang lagi
gila kuasa
kalau tak mampu, berhenti
pntingkan diri
useless

is that even called a mistake?
just my pure weakness

orang lain lagi payah, 
kau lembik sangat kenapa?


me, who is supposed to inspire other people
should always stay strong, shouldn't show any weaknesses
also me who needs other people's backs
to cry on, to be there although being refused to

what should i do?

i end up bursting out tears every night
hugging myself, shutting my mouth
so that other people won't hear,
so that other people won't know
imagining someone will be by my side, wiping the tears
i know Allah is there

being someone who is hard to open up to people,
is also my weakness. 
my utter mistake


i am sorry
i am sorry
to everyone around me