MT : A Journey Started With Tears

"if there's no other way, then i will have to let go of her. yes, i do" with tears.

that's what my mom, reluctantly said a year ago. it was indeed a breaking heart to be remembered, i will never forget it. with lots of sacrifice and consideration, i have arrived to this far. time passed really fast, indeed. tomorrow is gonna be my last day of being a leader at school. but the incident is indeed still fresh in my mind, as if it was just yesterday. 

back to the story, so i accepted my teacher's offer but i had to obey a condition; i had to live in hostel which i never even imagined before. so at home, i asked again and again, but none of my parents did answer it. they stayed quiet just like, i didnt know. so in the end, my heart felt so guilty. 

so that morning, i told the teachers, and you know how cikgu ezana was like. she called my parents (seriously) and both of them went to school. the conversation happened and that's where the words on the top of this post came out from my mother's mouth - not to say the tears in my dad's eyes too.

people who dont understand me would say how gedix or anak manje (spoiled kid) i am, but no there were reasons why it became like that.

maybe i was chosen by Allah from the very first, it was such a beautiful moment to be experienced. after entering hostel, i understood a lot of things that i couldnt even know at that time. i knew a lot more people and became close to them. it was indeed different. they were several problems that was solved and i didnt know why but i felt calmer. maybe because of the tarbiyyah there (budak asrama sile sgt bersyukur!) i dont know how to describe it with words. i have to say im lucky. 

BUT, everything good has its bad side. i had to sacrifice a lot of things. they were things that cant be avoided and it was indeed very frustrating too. the friends whom i was very close to before, were slowly going far from me. no, it was me who ran away from them. my study were slowly dropping and falling to the ground. me who never slept in class, were sleeping for the first time i had even been in maahad for almost everyday. my illness kept on attacking me, blocking me from being active. there were even people who asked me whether i had anaemia for having a pale face. i couldnt be in the class for most of the time. i was criticised for every single thing that i did. my life was messy. people were afraid to approach me for having that so-called-strict-face. i nearly had no holiday in my life. and they would even call me during my holiday. to take care of everyone's hearts were the hardest. it was that hard.

even so, it was not worthless at all. i had to admit i got used to it as time passed and there were a lot of things that i learnt - the things that i can only learn through experience. i still remember the faces who kept on giving motivation to me through ease and hardness. thank you, honestly, i thank you! and this was the time when i could identify whether my friends were my real sahabat or not, it was indeed successful. time kasih kawan2 :)

also i think i need to say sorry for my mistakes. dear MN im so sorry for not letting you knew that i was getting out of the hostel at that time, not that i didnt want to, but i cant. dear outsiders friend, i know most of you were offended for not being close like before, im very sorry. dear teacher, sorry for not showing my real abilities and hard work in study to reach you expectation. dear prefects, i know there were times when i didnt take care of you like what i was supposed to do, im sorry. dear maahad hamidiah students, im sorry for any mistakes that i had done, saman x puas hati ke, pkp korg strict or gile sgt ke, im really sorry for my slackness. and last but not least, my family.. im sorry but i love you <3>

this small journey may seemed already tough to us but this was just the beginning. there were lots more obstacles and tests provided by Allah in the real world after this. may He help us to past through it insyaAllah :) i wanna say congratulations to all badan kepimpinan form 5 especially my beloved MT for succeeding in being prefects in school. so now, LETS FOCUS ON SPM! STRAIGHT AS WAY TO GO! :)

form4s, good luck! may you be good leaders in maahad insyaAllah and May Allah Bless You nah