When You're Sincere.

'Allah gives you what you deserve.'

i theoretically know this, but i never really practically understand this be4 my own experience. and this was what happened.

"aku nak jadi ketua lah. tapi kne pengaruh budak2 form1 form2 dulu. dorg tak kenal aku. bdk form3 xpe aku dah tackle" my friend said. as i heard this, i thought and tried to think by myself, what is the real motive of us being a leader? this lead me to remember the story of Khalid al-Walid when he was 'fired' from being the army leader by Umar al-Khattab ; and he was really fine. because he believed that he worked for Allah and Islam ; no matter what position he had.

but what happens to us nowadays? fight for power to have money ; leisure. 

back to my story. in Maahad Hamidiah, we use the MT(Majlis Tertinggi) system which basically holds the leadership in Maahad. like the Head Student, Head Prefect etc. but i'm not going to story bout that rite~ coz our system is kinda unique/complicated. so this MT will change at half of the year until the next year's half. as one of targeted student to be in MT, of course i felt the heat (LOL). in those busy situation, people kept on saying to me "you are CONFIRMED to be one of MT next year."

 

 The respectful seniors from MT 2011/2012

 27th of June 2012

it was last Wednesday, when suddenly a list of candidates for MT was announced when we're in class. and guess what, there's no even my name! but Atiqah and Izzatti got to be called. i was clapping for them and even wished them for luck. coz i knew that there're gonna be an interview for the choosing. as a student who carried the burden of a target for MT but suddenly didn't even chosen for candidate, i unexceptionally accepted quite large blow on my face. i was dissapointed. and i couldn't hide that.

i was hesitated for a while in the class, trying to hold a fake smile. friends looked at me, maybe want to see my expression? and i smiled forcefully. then i thought ; yeahh i'm not even qualified for that position. jgn berangan lah madie!! i remembered the days before that, when me, atiqah n izzatti discussed bout school and stated what we'd like to change etc. but it turned out to be like this. it's ok, i tried to persuade my heart. and i succeed. even though not fully. i became me again.

the school time over. i packed my things and went downstairs. suddenly my friends from another class ; "Madddiieee why are you not listed?! i want you to be!" but at that time my heart could already accept the fact and i said "heeyy how can i know. i'm not even qualified lah"

and it happened that all my friends 'attacked' me that whole evening. i was influenced. i slightly felt unsatisfied. i felt burdened. it was hurt. my heart hurts. to not be able to achieve what people expected was that hurt.

 this year's Watikah Pelantikan

i went back home ; i closed my eyes. i thought of what happened. it was a lie if i tell you i was not affected at all. the thought of what my intention should really be came to mind. what's my real intention? what's my exact niat? what's my purpose? i remembered what atiqah told me "xpe madihah. kite sume satu team. kite bangunkan maahad same2" i tried to muhasabah myself, n i found out that Allah's actually giving me a test. it's whether or not... i'm sincere in my job.

i asked for Allah's forgiveness. Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah. "i wasn't sincere Ya Allah. Forgive me. Make my heart sincere, clean my heart, Ya Rabb." "Betulkan niatku Ya Allah, bersihkan hatiku. ikhlaskanku Oh Allah" and i felt the peace again. it was fine after that. =)) i won't be MT, i told my heart.

28th of June 2012

i was normal again. though sometimes i felt bitter when people congrated my friends for being listed. after the recess, Cikgu Ezana came to our class. "the names that i will mention ; please go to Bilik Disiplin now." and i guessed, it must be MT thingy~ lol. the first name was Izzatti, and i teased her "have you memorized the Surah? BADAR2!" lol and then Azwar n Atiqah's name was called. i teased Atiqah, "abislah ko weh. bagi ayat gempak2 sikit tau xD" then Cikgu Ezana said "dengan.. Norul Madihah." i was completely shocked at the time. my name was called! Atiqah smiled at me. she said "Madihah, the time has arrived!" me, "heeyy entah2 panggil sbb nk tau perangai korg cane" and my heart raced crazily.

it turned out to be 4 girls and 4 boys being called. we discussed at the outside ; about school. and we assumed that i would be like the S/U or bendahari. i said "i think this's is just for another test kot" and guess what, there're 10 cikgu disiplin in the room waiting for us to be questioned. SERAM x terhingga. the boys went in first, and we've to wait for them. then it was our turn. 4 of us were like gaining our strength. this is our chance!

"okeeyyy sebenarnya tujuan kamu kena panggil ke sini sebab kamu adelah calon ketua MT tahun hadapan." and i was completely suprised. i was in shock. WHAT? have i misheard or what? i wasn't even called yesterday! "Atiqah calon PKU (Penolong Ketua Umum), Madihah calon PKP(Pengawas), Halimah calon PKA(Asrama), Izzatti calon PKB(BADAR)" i automatically closed my eyes and i was like, hey this's unbelievablllleee~~ Oh Allah! and Atiqah held my hand. she looked again, and smiled. i can 'smell' her nervous feeling.

 

 together works for Allah and Islam, insyaAllah!

we were interviewed, and we discussed about the school. with all the 10 pairs of cikgu disiplin's eyes concentrating at what you're saying ; who wouldn't be nervous? the most shocking thing was that ; we the outsiders have to stay in the hostel. but i can't give a definite decision. i need to ask my parents first ; i told them. then the boys came in. "Azwar calon KU, Afiq Affandi KP, Izzuddin KA, Hafizi KB". teacher asked, "Madihah and Afiq, can u cooperate?" and we looked at each other. and we were like, "err.. yeaahh" lol. i can still feel the awkwardness.

so the interview ended. we went out from the scary room with bigger responsibility carried. Atiqah told me ; 

 "Look. i've told you. if we're sincere, everything can happen."

and yeah, i felt that. when you're sincere, Allah gives you what you deserve. Say Alhamdulillah.